a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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