I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
