I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I enjoy the company of your penis
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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