dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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