I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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