she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
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I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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