This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
