were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
