very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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