We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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