Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
