Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
