The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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