how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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