My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i now understand why vodka
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
