We're facebook friends in real life
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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