halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
