I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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