thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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