She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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