tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
