Define "chronic" masturbator.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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