I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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