using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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