just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
