He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
