...so i touched it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
