I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
