M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
soo... how was my night?
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