I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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