Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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