I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
