i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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