i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
