Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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