Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
