dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
