we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
