I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
