One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
