she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
