i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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