my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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