i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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