This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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