I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
operation have a gay friend backfired
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
