I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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