God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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