I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
