Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
