The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
