She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
