yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
