i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's like fucking tetris in this bed