Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.