Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.