I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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