Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
