i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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