i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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