I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
