swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
