Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
