I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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