dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
