Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
