i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
