either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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