My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
