while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
