Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
