Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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