he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
